Saturday, January 29, 2011

Fun Boys

A male, usually white, normally in college but not always. Always wears a striped button up shirt and has gel in his hair (very metro-sexual). Enjoys dancing to the latest pop or rap and doing a bad job at it. Hang out in groups of four or more and can be hard to spot do to the striped configuration while standing so close together. Can be seen giving excessive amounts of "high fives" or "ass slaps" while enjoying lite beer, ultra lite beer, or bright colored fruity drinks. They try to hook up with chicks but it never works and they go home together wondering why none of them managed to seal the deal.
"Look at those fun boys over there, they can't dance and are drinking chick drinks. I think one just had some gel drip into his beer!"

This  definition is taken from "Urban Dictionary"








In Australia I would say a fun boy is someone who goes to the music festivals, and works out at the gym a lot, likes to take drugs, especially ecstasy.  And even if they don't go to the gym, they are overly concerned with their image, so hair, facial expressions, clothes, all trying to be effortlessly cool and some achieving it with more success than others, but when they appear in a large groups together like a festival, they just look like clones of each other.
 
It’s as Mr. ANU said to me while he was in Thailand, "You see all those aussie fun boys on the beach in Phuket, you know from Joe's (St. Joseph’s Marist Brother College Sydney) all touching each other, being hyper masculine, trying to be uber straight, but they can’t keep their hands of each other and can’t stop grabbing each other’s dicks.  Wearing their festival fluro’s and new retro 80’s sunglasses everywhere they go, in large groups, can’t doing anything without at least 6 of their mates coming with them for company and moral support.”
                        
I can’t be bothered writing anything tonight, but I want to post, so enjoy the pretty pictures from the summer music festivals here in Sydney, especially any readers form the northern hemisphere suffering in the snow.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Love My Neighbour

Queensland and Victoria may be flooded but, I had one in my apartment building as well.  There was a fire in my building and there are sprinklers installed that went off and flooded three floors below.  One lady who was flooded seemed nice, and I had seen her throw a birthday party for a baby and mother even though they only know each other from living in the same building.  The lady who through the party is a Lawyer and the mother and baby are aboriginal and from far north Queensland, and we all say hello around the swimming pool.  What really impressed me is there is huge socio economic gap between these two, and I know it’s not polite to say it or think like that, but its true and its there, but the way the lawyer lady is able to bridge the gap and pretend that there was none, was really impressive.  Her flawless gracious manners are really amazing.  In a big city like Sydney were everyone is over stimulated, and no one wants to have to talk to their neighbors’ in case they make a habit of it, like has happened to me in the past (you can tell I am an Eastern Suburbs snob at heart can’t you) I am defiantly part of the problem, not the solution…. Haha lol.  I saw this women building a community around her.  My building is not that great, sure it’s nice and has a pool and tennis court, but it’s also a little bit of a Junkie den, with more than one dealer living here (next door to me actually).  The only time I want to talk to anyone in the lift is when they are brutally hot, and there is sexual tension between us, and I want to fuck them, then I’m up for a chat.
Any way I had a new bed that had come my way, so I gave it to her, I thought I didn’t need it, so why not, and I was going to give her my couch as well, but then I found her a new, better one than mine in our building that was left behind, and as I was helping her move it into her place, I saw that she had written in chalk on her wall
Today I am grateful for…….
Mmmm what a wonderful mantra, I am going to practice that every day.  Well I am sick again and unable to work today, but then a waiter got talking to me at breakfast and it turns out he is my age and his cancer has come back for a second time……. Wow made me feel a little small.  So I am grateful for not having cancer at a young age, and I am grateful for not being a dull idiot like my brother, but they are both things I am glad I am not.  So to be grateful for something I am…… smart? Sounds stuck up to say it.  I am grateful I have a gift for living life, and finding fun in almost anything.
Ps.  Lawyer lady is helping me tender for some building work being done in our building, tomorrow night at the body corporate meeting, so look from one little act of kindness, which was she offered me some champagne by the pool one hot Saturday afternoon, and then to come to the little girls 1st birthday party, I helped her find furniture when she had non, and she is helping me generate work, I also know she is a published author so maybe she will help me get published.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Down With Love: The Saunas

Take away the fear of catching something from sleeping with randoms, which is a legitimate fear in my mind, and the other negative feeling I had about going to Saunas was guilt.  Guilty about what I’m not so sure, of being caught? By who though? Who am I afraid of seeing me there or coming or going?  No one really.  The_open has a fear that he will meet someone who will judge and not date someone who goes or used to go to them, but that isn’t really a fear of mine, if they are that closed minded about sex, then we would get along anyway. 
I had a new fear in late 2009 that while I was spending all this time staring at ceilings in saunas that other boys and girls were out in the sunshine building support networks and a life together.  This paranoia that I was falling behind was highlighted one evening while I was sitting at the Five Ways chicken shop in Paddington watching all these tall, Anglo-Saxon, beautiful couples driving their beautiful European Cars, walking their designer Labra-doodle dogs, some with their Polo Ralph Lauren clad children walk and drive by.  These couples where only few years older than me, and they had their shit together, they could afford to either rent or buy a Terrace in Paddington.  I took the_open there a week latter and he had the exact same reaction that I had had the week before;  Holy shit we are falling behind and fast!  His reaction was to not go to saunas any more, well I wasn’t convinced that I could stop going, but the funny thing was that I was the one who stopped for 6 months and the_open couldn’t.  But the final 6 months of 2010 were the complete opposite, I fucked and fucked and fucked and had the most mind blowing sex of my life.  So where do I stand now? Somewhere in the middle.  I wish I put more effort into meeting new people socially, but I think sexual adventures are important as well, not that I remember them soon after they have happened.
If memories fade than building a life that is heading somewhere good is more important.  The part I hate about going to saunas now is it confirms in my mind that romance and love is dead.  That sex and orgasms are all that there is left.  I hate that.  The_open is now in a relationship that looks healthy and functional, hell has frozen over and I’m back to being living a chase life again, but not because I am trying, because I am too busy and fat, its busy fat celibacy.  I am writing this trying to gather my thoughts so I don’t go, but I can’t seem to find a good enough reason or something better to do.  May be I will go get my hair washed by the Arab hairdresser again maybe that will be enough intimacy to hold me off going.

Monday, January 17, 2011

A Confronting Hair Cut

I went back to a hair dresser in the city that I found before Christmas, he was nice and cut my hair well.  While he was cutting my hair he started talking about traveling around Europe and the best places  to party like Berlin and Ibiza, dropping a suttel, its great for girls and boys, and then out of the blue he asked are you gay?  This was not a faggy saloon, it was a man’s man barber shop and the dude cutting my hair was very straight acting.  I decided I would go with yes.  I never know how to answer this question, but seeing as he was cute, and nice I thought maybe he was sussing me out for himself.  It turns out he is Jordanian, not many Australians know much about Jordan but I lived there for a bit and I went to a diplomatic school, and two of my best friends were Jordanian Dipo Brats.  So this was very forward for a Jordanian man to ask something so personal after only meeting me twice.  I was a little shocked as I know most Arabs are very polite around sex, and I was wearing my work boots and other butch work cloths and I was covered in dirt for laboring under the hot sun all day.  If ever there was a look that would hide that I was gay, then today was the day.  And yet he saw straight through me.  I hate when people can do that.  I feel vulnerable and a little bit raped.  I like being about to control who knows and who doesn’t.  So after going quite for a few minutes I asked “how did you know I was gay? People can never pick me”  and he said, I knew you were gay, even if you had said no, I was only asking to be polite, I knew you were.  Well I still don’t know how he was so sure, but I guess he is cute and a hair dresser so he is probably pretty in tune with stuff like that.  Maybe I stared at him a bit too long, he is my type, but I thought I was discreet.   I have gotten into the habit of not looking away from guys I like, like I used to because I think if wog boys can eye ball you and stare you down, why can’t I?
He was telling me a little bit about his girlfriend and then he goes, I was gay once, well I mean I used to be gay, but now I have a girl friend I am happy and I don’t cheat or even think about cheating, but she gets a bit nervous that I will.  I asked why he even told her, and he said that she asked about him and guys, so he didn’t lie.  I thought this was nice and honest of him to tell me this, and he said he had a lot of friends who were the same, they had been with guys but they were happy with girls and didn’t cheat.  I guess he has no religious pressure on him as he made a remark about drugs and other free living comments so I think he can be his own man. 
I found the whole experience very liberating, because here was an Arab man cutting my hair, liberal in his views, nice to talk to and he said to me as I was leaving, hey mate maybe one day you will try it with a woman as well, you never know what life brings you.  I didn’t tell him I was actually bi like him, I thought I would save that for next time.  I was finding talking to him really interesting so I asked him to wash my hair so I didn’t have to leave straight away, I always find it so sexual, and seeing as he was telling me he wasn’t available I thought it was a good way to channel the sexual energy I could feel between us, and he was sensual and very good like I thought he would be.
He barely knows me and yet he felt safe and confident to be honest about who we was and his sexual experiences and where he stands, it’s so rare for Bi sexual people to open about that, it was really nice and refreshing.  I could see he had no fear or shame about who he was and it was very attractive.  May be thats why he could pick me because he can sense people who are like him.  Yet another Bi Sexual man who I found really attractive and interesting, I really do think we are the most interesting and sexiest people out there.  There must be something about a man who can find women sexy and be masculine and yet sensitive and sexually interesting enough to want to have sex with men.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Bi and Monogomas Impossible

I only just realized that Bi sexual can only exist while you’re single or cheating on a partner, because as soon as you go monogamous you have to jump to straight or gay.  Funny how that had never dawned on me before.  I guess that’s due to so little Bi culture being out there.  It’s just not present in everyday life.  If feel like I’m a tightrope walker and the crowd to telling me to jump down one side or the other, but I don’t want to, I’m having fun walking around on that rope and I think it’s kind of cool to be a tightrope walker, and to jump down one side or the other (gay or straight) is boring, the magic is in walking the tightrope, not landing in a the net (a relationship).  Being bi is as scary as walking a tightrope at times, sometimes I wish it wasn’t so adrenaline filled.
I’m only just 30 and am feeling a lot of pressure this year to be sensible and build something lasting with someone, this pressure is only coming from me, no one else, and I guess it came from being sick last year and having no one who was invested in making sure I got better.  And I guess financially I would be better off if I was partnered.  I feel that these two reasons are not good enough ones to partner off, but they are very important and sensible ones, part of growing up and older.  I have put a lot or work into embracing my gay side the last 4 months, as I have read a lot of Bi men prefer sex with men, but relationships with women, and if they can get a good health relationship working with a man, than that’s the way they choose to go.  I’m not sure that that is going to be my story, but I thought subconsciously at the time that it is better to explore that side of gay relationships than to hide from them, then to base my self knowledge on unsuccessful attempts at dating males in the past. 
I guess one of the main reasons I think I’m Bi and not gay is there is no part of my dream or fantasy life that dreams of building a life with a man.  I have absolutely no fantasies about growing old with a really good male friend, in fact when I see two old gay guys together is grosses me out a bit, I think it looks a little pathetic and tragic. 
Has my imagination never dreamed of building a life with a man because as children we are never given any examples of that happening? No fairy tales are told about a dude meeting another dude and kissing a frog and riding off into the sunset together.  My sexual imagination managed to dream about guys from a very young age, but it never dreamt about a future together, love or anything like that.  Is that why I’m Bi?  
Dating women in my 20’s has not been that successful, in fact they have all nearly been a handful, so if any of them had worked out better, would I have even gone down the gay or Bi path?  Who knows.  My life is my life, and I’m not ashamed, in fact I think I may have been very lucky with my 20’s sex life, but if I had fitted neatly into either the gay or straight box, I think life may have been a fair bit easier. 

Friday, January 14, 2011

Single & Fabulous Question Mark


When I agreed to do this photo shoot I was told it would be “Single and Fabulous” statement, not “Single and Fabulous?”  That question mark is hostile.  I love that line and the whole episode of Sex and the City, because the confidence of these 4 confident 30 something women is shaken to their collective core when an article attached to a magazine shoot that Carrie agrees to do questions just how fabulous it is to be single forever.
I never presume that I am fabulous, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and apparently compared to a lot of people in my life I am quite fabulous, as I found last year when I became very sick.  My friends tell me that I am fabulous to my face, regularly, supportively, mean it and say it with enthusiastic kindness.  So am a little weary of taking compliments too seriously.  But when I was ill and at my lowest I found out just how many people are envious on me.  Not my friends, they were wonderful as always, but family and people who popular culture says will be there for you, took the chance when I was at my lowest to let it slip just how much they were jealous of me.  Of course they never said jealous, but their real feeling managed to slip around the edges as I was laying sick in bed in hospitable .  Not much to be jealous of I would have thought, when I was sick, unemployed, nearly homeless and overweight, but apparently people worth millions of dollars can still be jealous of me.  They look to have it all on the outside, but on the inside they are as hollow as a doughnut.  And as unhappy as I had guessed they were.  Society rewards the strangest people; those who are selfish and live only for themselves and live totally unbalanced lives seem to end up with everything materially.  I would have thought the universe would have a better way of leveling unbalance selfish behavior but, no they seem to get away with it.
 
 While watching Bridget Jones 2, the Edge of Reason, one of my favorite lines is “So as you can see the incredible truth is the wilderness years are over, Bridget Jones is a love prior no more”   What a wonderful way of describing single dome.  Lost in the wilderness, searching for your way back to civilization, like Dr. Livingstone, wondering around Africa searching for Stanley.  And love is like civilization, calming, nurturing, exciting, not lonely and civilizing.  And bad dates and relationships would be the wild beasts of the jungle and the sense of loneliness that comes from being single, would leave, like finding a town in the middle of nowhere. 
My other favorite line is when she gets back to England after to being locked up in jail for over a month in Thailand, and she arrives back to meet the press and her parents at the airport and her mother says “Terribly sorry for not writing dear, it’s just I’ve been so terribly busy lately.”  How funny, your only daughter is in jail on drugs charges and her mother is so wrapped up in her own life she can’t even find time to write to her let alone visit her.  Sounds like my family. 

Monday, January 10, 2011

Single Bi-Sexual Male Seeking Woman

http://thefreshxpress.com/2010/10/single-black-male-in-search-of-or-where-are-all-the-good-black-women/

If you want an interesting read, read this, and the comments, very educational, for everyone.

This is what my reply was.

Maybe a Bi man can love you in a way no other man can.  The caring heart of a gay man with the sex drive of a straight man?  Perhaps the best way of looking at it is not a problem at all, but a wonderful positive situation, and the person who gets to marry a Bi man is a lucky women and she will go on to have a wonderful marriage that is warm and full of love and care.  Emotional distance from men would be one of the main problems in marriage as people grow older isn't it?  When I look at how bottled up my brothers and male friends are all I can think is who ever ends up with them will be very lonely.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Bi Polar Bi Sexual

When I saw Bi Polar come up under a google search I did for Bi Sexual, after first being offended that they were linked, my second reaction was to wonder if there was a reason a mental health disorder would have a similar name to a sexual orientation, which I happen to believe there is nothing wrong with.  I think it is social conditioning that has led society to have a problem with Bi Sexual people.  I have been having a few moment lately were I feel as though being Bi Sexual is just all too much and TOO hard and want to hide under a rock and go back to a time where I hide and repressed all these feelings.  I think being a Bi Sexual Male in 2010 is as hard as being a pioneer gay in the 1970’s.  Gay is accepted and understood, and Bi is still so hard to be accepted as a realistic dateable option by either orientation.  When choosing to live openly as Bi sexual other people don’t seem to realize there is a level of honesty and commitment that comes in doing something so socially challenging.  That they don’t seem to understand that when I say I love YOU, that I mean it and yes I do think you can meet my needs and I won’t need to cheat to have my needs met.
As of today I am beginning to wonder if being Bi Sexual may in the end make me Bi Polar. L J  look I’m already sad and happy at the same time, even my emotioncons get it, why can’t others?  i'm not a liability, I'm a decent honest person who know a lot about committing to things that aren't easy.  If if you don't want to get serious I'm a hell of a good time,- no one knows how to have fun like a Bi Sexual, - hey I think I just made a bumper sticker.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Who Will Be Next Out - In the AFL or NRL


Sure they are sexy men with high salaries and public profiles, but that isn’t the only reason I’m thinking about who’s gay or Bi in the NRL or AFL, its sheer statistics, 200 plus men in each code at the top leave, I think gay in the population runs at 5% to 10 % depending on where you see stats, and I think same sex experimentation runs much higher, like 50 % plus.  So I know it’s hard for them to out when their public image declares that they be big tough men, and if they sneak round they could be outed.  Other than Ian Roberts no one has done it.  I think people were suspecting a flood after he did but it never happened.  And I think that people are shocked as still don’t know why more haven’t, even if was outed in a scandal or waiting until they had retired and then coming out.  Eddie McGuire has gone on record as saying he knows of several in the AFL that had indicated to him that they are, but he will obviously never say anything unless they chose to come out.
 
So I have no insider info, but what I would like to do is run sweep to see who people think will be next.  You can nominate who you want to be next out, in two ways, the person you think is gay will be outed or the footballer that you would most like to be gay, but please indicate whether it’s just a wish or based on suspicions or facts.

My nomination is Paul Licuria, he is on my wish list because he is so dreamy, do I think he is? No prof but my gaydar says yeah maybe, but I doubt he would ever go public.  In my fantasy he has to be in the closet and do it with his friends or team mates who also have to be discreet.  Some like Brody Holland…. Mmmm that would be nice.

Oh and another nomination, Ben Cusins, what was all that drug use about? I’m thinking he was trying to repress the fact that he’s a blatant homosexual… haha, well I recon he would be brave enough to come out after all his other public trouble, let’s see if I’m right.

Bi Man About Town - Opening Round

It’s a New Year and time for a new blog.  I have been writing Gay Man In Sydney for two and half months now it’s going very well, gaymaninsydney.blogspot.com but part of the reason for writing it was to explore the gay side of my identity in depth and to confront things people having been saying to me my whole life “you're gay you just can’t admit it to yourself.  I never thought they were right, but I have grown up with a lot of religious bigotry and no expectance around me so I thought maybe I would be out to everyone if didn’t have that pressure around me.  But after a few months of exploring this side of me exclusively in a positive accepting way I am no closer to thinking that that’s who I am exclusively.  There seems to be a heterosexual side to me that won’t go away no matter how hard I try and kill it.  Being Bi is very lonely.  By its very nature it is duplicitous;  to be bi you basically have to have two lives as there are very few accepting people out there who get it, or accept it.  People like other people tucked away in nice little boxes, safely confined to stereo types and, Bi sexual just fucks with most people’s heads, they hate people who blur the line especially sexually.
I don’t feel I can write about any bisexual things in-depth on my other blog as gay people seem to be just as upset if not more by bisexual  people and view them as weak, and “fags who aren’t strong enough to come out properly” like they have.  So to explore this side of my life in proper detail, I am starting this Bi Man About Town.  I hate the name Bi, but I guess Homo and Hetro aren’t much better.  Try sexual was funny until it was being used as a gag line by old women in movies “I’m try sexual” would be trotted out by some old dear for a cheap laugh.  Ambidextrous is my favorite term, but I’m not sure it has the same ring to it: Ambidextrous man about town?